Overwhelmed

There are a lot of thing going on lately that makes me feel like I am in the middle of the ocean. Gasping for air, trying so hard not to drown. I have many commitments of which I first thought I can handle because I was like "Yeah, I am so back to the time when I was in the pre-uni." Well, I am wrong. Deadly wrong. This does not feel or look like three years ago. This is worst. I have both curricular and co-curricular engagements that are all practical. I mean I have to participate in meetings, do projects, do fundraising, and all sorts of the so-called student's activity. Hah! This is very funny considering that I am a very roomy person. I get attached to my room. Very. While I am writing this, I am in the middle of mid-semester break which I should be relaxing, lazying around the house like a lazy big old cat. But aha! No. I am trying to finish every single forum on the online learning portal, narrowing down possible future employer, proofreading a research proposal, managing an event, and brainstorming for several researches, and projects. This is utter madness. I am so going to have a good long rest afterwards. I need to be stranded on an island, and shall I live there forever. I do not care anymore at this point. I really need to escape from this madness ugh!

Incompatible

We are all of different colours, which should be making the world even a brighter place. We blend in together, yes, however we went to the darker shade before turning completely dark. We are bruising each other. We are destroying each other. We are just incompatible.

Drafted

I have a lot of thing to say yet I keep most of them to myself. There will always be voices in my head saying that I am not that knowledgeable or experienced enough to talk about everything out loud. I then lead myself to be such a coward and could only be in awe watching people so passionate and progressive in discussing about everything. I will have them drafted in my head, not published, forever.

I try

Whenever I am in crowd, I tend to space out. I always think that I need silence for some time. But when I am back to be alone, I feel lonely and empty. The silence is too loud for me that it keeps ringing at my ears. I try to blend in with people around me again but I feel that I am being repelled away. Nothing to fill in the void, you know? Now that I am often left alone, the silence and loneliness are trying to eat me up. I try to run away but I cannot escape that far, and now I feel like I am fading away, consumed by the bastards. I am just fading away , going to the end...

Since the beginning

Since the beginning, this friendship is ruined. Perfectly ruined by *drum rolls* me!

I did not have the love for us.
I did not have the sincerity for us.
I did not have the patience for us.
I did not have the effort for us.

You know, I try hard to think of your bad points, but I barely reach five. It is just that I was not interested to be in this friendship since the beginning. That's all. I am just all bitter that the bitterness accumulates till it drowns me. I am just not a good person to be your friend, and I am not even sorry for it.

Help

Running out of breath. Help, I'm dying.